she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
