he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
