you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
