i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We're too hungover to prance.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
