i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
