omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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