I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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