I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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