i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
