he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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