i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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