Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
