The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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