1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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