I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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