can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
