the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My vagina just recognized that song.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
