I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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