I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
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he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
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Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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