she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
