i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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