i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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