you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
