found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is Oprah even human
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
