the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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