I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
