cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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