He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
