so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
