I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
