and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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