i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
