The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize