When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
