I haven't been this sober since birth.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
