so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
