My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
