I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
