Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I will be naked everywhere
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Someone came in the potted fern
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
