Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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