so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
