I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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