she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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