I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
where am i from again
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The air was thick with penises
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
