Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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