Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
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while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
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Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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