I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
