So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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