I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
