Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
