do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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