i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
time to smoke my breakfast
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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