She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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