apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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