At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
