I smell stomach acid.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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