You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize