census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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