Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
