mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
